grandma shit on top of the toilet
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
