I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
