Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
