Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
