I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm passing your future prison.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
