Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
