I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
this hospital has no fireball
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
