There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to calm my uterus...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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