I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Someone signed my nipple.
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