Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
