I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
