Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
