if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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