Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
