nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you inspire me to be a worse person
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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