New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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