maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
