Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
