apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
