i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i've created a new STD.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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