Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize