i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
