I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
