some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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