Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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