We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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