thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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