I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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