Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
