can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I believe in your delicious
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
