If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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