I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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