Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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