I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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