she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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