she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
