I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
