he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
