That's intense
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
