I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
