I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
please come you make the beer taste better
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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