dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
