Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
