you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
