He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
