'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
