I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
