Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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