woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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