i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
