he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
