this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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