dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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