it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
