This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
