You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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