We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
