yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
