im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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