so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i will never coherently bang her
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
