if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
