I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
