id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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