Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
