Your face is a jimmy john
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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