New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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