hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
