you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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