We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
