I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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