I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
