There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
