The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
