Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
