Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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