Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You need Xanax blowdarts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
