If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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