I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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