They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
