you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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