I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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